I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
