I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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