That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
