Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
