He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
