Swine flu. Run for my life!
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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