apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
