Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
