He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
