i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Found the puke drawer
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
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