I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Of course I have a pirate flag
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
