He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
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