Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
