Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.