hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.