You're so nebulous sometimes
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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