oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
It's just like the Real World with babies
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
