Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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