go do what you do best...puke behind churches
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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