man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
