Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Drake has all the answers
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize