the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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