dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
