even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
