Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
