Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
