Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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