Christians are straight up FREAKS
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
