Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
