what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize