i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize