Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
