I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
