Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
