I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
