like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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