Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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