i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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