ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
