just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
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