My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
