I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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