Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex