Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy