can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
