I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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