Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.