I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.