ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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