Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
