can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
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Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
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I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.