Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
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