last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
