im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
