he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
