Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
