One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
