And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
It's blow job season.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
