I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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