I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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