I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Randomize
