You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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