Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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