An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
