I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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