so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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