I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
