I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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