I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
