how can u be prego again
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
