Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
3 2 1 whiskey
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
