Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
