I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
