There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
