i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
