I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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